Sunday, 11 May 2014

Sunday Confessional X


The idea for this week's Sunday confession came from Rich when I was having a good heart to heart with him a while ago. It is something I have struggled with for many years, and is something which I am beginning to understand about myself and attempting to reduce the impact it has on my life.

I put too much pressure on myself.

I have always set myself very high standards, and anything less than perfect just won't do. I am a perfectionist, and spotting mistakes in things I have done really annoys me, and I beat myself up about them for far longer than necessary. I'm still telling myself off for cringey things I did 5 years ago, my brain won't listen when I tell it not to go there!

I was a high achiever at school, and I think it all stems from there. I was predicted all top marks in my GCSEs, so when I didn't manage to get an A* in every subject, I beat myself up about it, and wasn't as happy as I should have been about my very good results. At my job I have to produce the best standards of work possible, and when someone has to correct it for me, or points out a mistake, I take it far too hard. I am beginning to learn that I do make mistakes and can't be perfect because nobody is, but old habits die hard.

When Rich went away I set a deployment bucket list for myself with some of the things I hoped to achieve on it. Well, I've failed miserably. I had all these grand ideas about how productive I was going to be, as well as keeping the house immaculate, myself fed healthily, and blogging on a regular basis. Something had to give, as I didn't have as much time in the evenings as I thought I would, and keeping myself looked after proved to be more time consuming than I thought.

With all the stress over trying to be the perfect person, I was making myself more and more unhappy and unwell, until I finally realised that I couldn't do it all. So cleaning doesn't happen in the week now unless someone is coming over, I set aside one weekend day every few weeks to do a thorough clean of the house instead. If the laundry doesn't get done until I'm on emergency knickers (come on, we all have some!) then that's fine, I'm the only person seeing my knickers anyway! If I don't manage to get a blog post up because I was feeling too unwell and needed to go to bed, so be it. My own well being has to come first, and I have struggled with that more than I could ever have thought possible.

By following these new rules, and trying to be more relaxed about everything else I have managed to become a lot more happy, but I have found that I have to keep being reminded not to put too much pressure on myself, as it is too easy to slip back into my old way of thinking. The curse of perfectionism! I do often envy those people who are really laid back all the time, it must be such a soothing way of life.

Rachel xx
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5 comments

  1. I understand you very well, because I'm like you. I always have new goals to achieve and put too much pressure on myself. I like how you are managing this issue and hope everything will be right.

    Jasmine x
    For a Real Woman
    So easy Spanish!

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  2. I completely understand what you are saying, I am so like you!
    Amazing post!
    clarabellerose.blogspot.co.uk
    xxx

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  3. Yes, I've been feeling the same lately - finally coming to terms with the fact that I can't do it all.

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  4. I completely understand! I dwell on mistakes for far longer than I should, and push myself too hard at work to deliver far more than I'm required to, because I find it impossible to say "No" when someone asks me to do something, and then feel I have to deliver it perfectly. I'm getting better at letting go though :) xxx

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  5. i am so hard on myself too. it is a constant, daily struggle. good for you for making changes!

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